Module 4: Dating Violence/Intimate Partner Violence

The World Health Organization defines intimate partner violence (IPV) as behaviour within an intimate relationship (including both current and former partners) that causes physical, sexual, or psychological harm. This includes acts of physical aggression, sexual coercion, psychological abuse, and controlling behaviours (WHO, 2022). Furthermore, the European Institute of Gender Equality (EIGE) also defines economic violence as a form of IPV, and emphasises that IPV constitutes a form of violence which affects women disproportionately (Council of Europe, 2011).

Looking across all types of relationships, around 1 in 3 women will experience some form of IPV in their lifetime, whether physical, sexual, or emotional (McCauley et al., 2023). Male intimate partners or ex-partners are the most common perpetrators of violence against women (WHO, 2012).

Women who have suffered IPV in relationships with men, often described the violence as rooted in hegemonic masculinity (McCauley et al., 2023). Hegemonic masculinity is a cultural idea that being a “real man” means being dominant, unemotional, and in control. Connell and Messerschmidt (2005), explain how this societal pattern -where stereotypically male traits are idealised as the masculine norm—may help explain why men maintain a dominant social role, while women and other groups perceived as feminine hold a more subordinate role. Such beliefs can make aggressive, possessive, or controlling behaviours seem normal or even desirable.

Many women report experiencing men exerting control over their bodies and sexualities (McCauley et al., 2023). When men perpetrate emotional abuse, they often intend to humiliate their partners and exploit heteronormative social norms (McCauley et al., 2023). These forms of violence can vary widely—from psychological to sexual abuse. In many cases, men view themselves as the provider and/or more powerful than the victim.

Hegemonic masculinity can also pressure boys and men to display strength, control, and heterosexual dominance (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005). Other forms of masculinity, especially those viewed as feminine, are either marginalised or subordinated to the hegemonic version, which symbolises and enacts power over both women and other masculine identities (Kwak, Taber, & Stults, 2024). Because society often expects men to be “tough” and self-reliant, even those considered hegemonically masculine may feel shame about speaking up, or struggle to recognise or admit that they are experiencing abuse (Kwak, Taber, & Stults, 2024).

While women are disproportionately affected, IPV occurs in all kinds of relationships and may look different from one to another. However, many warning signs are rooted in power and control. In LGBTIQA+ relationships, especially among young sexual minority men (YSMM), abuse may be shaped by social expectations around masculinity. Studies have found that some partners may use violence or emotional manipulation to “prove” their masculinity, avoid appearing weak, or control their partner’s identity expression (Kwak, Taber, & Stults, 2024). Conversely, because women are not typically expected to be violent, it can be harder to recognise violence when they are the perpetrators, due to the construct of femininity.

Scope and prevalence in youth populations (INCLUDE IN THE SAME VIDEO AS ABOVE ) Intimate partner violence (IPV) can affect people in any kind of romantic relationships, whether they are dating, cohabiting, married, or casually involved. It does not depend on how long they’ve been together or whether they live together (Chan & Sachs, 2023).

Dating and intimate partner violence (IPV) often start earlier than many people realise. Research has shown that violence in relationships can begin in early adulthood and may continue or escalate over time. In fact, studies show a significant link between dating violence at age 20 and IPV later in life, showing how early experiences can have long-term impacts (Greenman & Matsuda, 2016).

Among college-aged youth, recent studies highlight that harmful behaviours can occur even when partners are the same age and in non-married relationships. For example, some students reported that their partners ignored their sexual refusal, a behaviour that directly undermines consent (Marcantonio et al., 2024). These findings remind us that dating violence is not just an “adult” problem. It affects many young people, sometimes without them even realising it.

Abuse in relationships doesn’t always begin with something obvious. It can start with small actions, like texting constantly to “check in,” criticising what someone wears, or getting jealous when they spend time with friends. These early behaviours may seem caring or even flattering, but over time, they can become part of a pattern of control and harm.

Studies have shown that early aggression in dating relationships can predict more serious violence later on, especially when those patterns go unnoticed or are minimised (Greenman & Matsuda, 2016). Victims have described emotional abuse as a common element in their relationships, often involving humiliation, control, or emotional withdrawal. While not always leading to physical violence, these dynamics still cause real harm and can undermine a person’s autonomy and well-being. For example, many women reported experiences of gaslighting, name-calling, and threatening behaviour from their partners, reflecting patterns of entitlement and control (McCauley et al., 2023).

Although not every relationship follows the same path, many victims describe a repeating pattern of harm and reconciliation that has been referred to in the literature as the Cycle of Abuse. This model, developed by Lenore Walker (1979), identifies common stages of abusive dynamics that often repeat over time. These may differ in intensity and form, as well as it may vary by skipping a phase completely or moving from one or another unexpectedly, not having a clear path for everyone.

Reminder: Abuse doesn’t always leave bruises. It can also mean being controlled, isolated, or emotionally worn down over time.

While some abusive relationships involve physical violence, many others rely on what researcher Evan Stark (2007) calls coercive control, defined as a strategic pattern of behaviours used to isolate, monitor, and dominate a partner. Stark explains that coercive control is not just about one act of harm, it’s about losing your freedom, slowly and silently. Over time, the person experiencing it may feel like they can’t make their own choices without fear. Even without physical violence, coercive control is a serious form of IPV that can severely affect mental health, self-esteem, and safety.

Developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (n.d.) the Duluth Model: the Power and Control Wheel is a well-known tool used worldwide to explain the different tactics abusers may use to maintain control over their partners. It helps us understand that IPV is not just about anger or physical violence; it’s about using many forms of power to dominate and isolate someone over time.

The centre of the wheel shows the goal: power and control. The spokes show common abusive tactics, including: Using intimidation, emotional abuse, minimizing, denying, and blaming, using children, isolation, economic abuse, male privilege/gender norms, coercion and threats.

These behaviours often happen gradually and may seem small at first, but together they form a system of control that can trap someone in an unhealthy or dangerous relationship.

Some beliefs about relationships might seem romantic on the surface, but they can actually be quite harmful. One of the most widespread myths is the idea that jealousy is a sign of love, that being possessive, controlling, or overly watchful proves how much someone cares. But the truth is, when jealousy is mistaken for love, it becomes much easier to overlook early warning signs or normalise emotionally and psychologically abusive behaviours.

Research shows that people who strongly believe in romantic jealousy are less likely to recognise non-physical forms of intimate partner violence (IPV), such as emotional manipulation or coercion (Minto et al., 2022). Therefore, people may underestimate the seriousness of behaviours like isolation, monitoring, or guilt-tripping, especially when they interpret those actions as signs of affection. As a result, they might not seek support or realise the extent of the abuse until it escalates.

Jealousy also plays a role in manipulation. Some partners use it to control their significant others, making them feel ashamed, fearful, or emotionally dependent. Some women have reported feeling like they were being emotionally “puppeted” by their partners, who deliberately provoked jealousy or guilt to gain power over them (McCauley et al., 2023).

Control arising from jealousy may also show up through physical restrictions. Many women have reported experiencing coercive control related to their appearance, independence, and relationships with others (Moulding et al., 2021). For example, some were prevented from contacting their families or pressured to change how they looked, all under the justification of jealousy or mistrust.

In today’s digital world, jealousy often takes new forms, such as monitoring social media, reading messages, or demanding constant updates. Jealousy is found to be a key predictor of cyber dating abuse, a form of digital control and harassment in romantic relationships (Branson & March, 2021).

Understanding that jealousy is not love, and can, in fact, be a warning sign, is essential for recognising and resisting abusive dynamics early on.

Forms of abuse in dating and intimate relationships

Recognising different kinds of abusive behaviours from one intimate partner against the other that constitute dating violence/IPV. Identifying different types of dating violence/IPV: 1. Physical 2. Sexual 3. Psychological 4. Economic

Some people think abuse only means hitting or physical harm, but abuse in relationships can take many forms. Recognising these different forms can help people identify early warning signs and understand when a relationship is no longer safe or healthy.

Before continuing, please note: This content addresses sensitive topics and may bring up strong emotions. If you recognise yourself or someone you know in these examples, know that you’re not alone. Support is available, and reaching out for help is a strong and important step. You may find relevant assistance information in module 7 . If needed, take a break and return when you feel ready.

Types of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

• • Physical Abuse: This type of abuse is defined as any act that causes physical harm as a result of unlawful physical force. Physical violence can take the form of, among others, serious and minor assault, deprivation of liberty, and femicide (EIGE, n.d.). Examples: hitting, slapping, pushing, choking, scratching, pulling hair, or throwing objects.
• • Sexual Abuse: This type of abuse is defined as any sexual act performed on an individual without their freely given consent (EIGE, n.d.). Examples: unwanted touching, coercion, rape, sexual assault or pressure to perform sexual acts.
• • Psychological (Emotional) Abuse: This type of abuse is defined as any act or behaviour which causes psychological harm to the partner, including coercion, defamation, verbal insult or harassment (EIGE, n.d.). Examples: threats, belittling, humiliation, intimidation, insults, isolation, ignoring, manipulation, guilt-tripping, controlling behaviours.
• • Economic Abuse: This type of abuse is defined as acts or behaviour which cause economic harm to the partner, including control of access to economic resources, and refusal to comply with economic responsibilities (EIGE, n.d.). Examples: not letting someone work, taking their money, forcing them to depend on you financially, property damage, restricting education.

Some signs of unhealthy or abusive relationships can be easy to overlook, especially when they begin subtly or are disguised as concern or affection. It is essential to recognise the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship, but also to be able to distinguish between the green flags of a respectful, safe, and supportive one. This section helps you identify both warning signs of potential abuse and the green flags that indicate a healthy relationship. The content presented in this unit is based on the Youth4Youth booklet “Violence in Relationships: Myths and Realities,” developed by the Mediterranean Institute of Gender Studies (MIGS, 2012), supported by the European Commission.

Before you continue, please note: This section discusses sensitive issues. You or someone you know may recognise yourself in some of these situations. If so, know that you’re not alone. Take a break if needed, and remember there are support services available.

Recognising that a relationship is abusive, whether you’re the one being hurt or the one hurting someone else, can be really hard. That’s especially true when we’ve grown up with myths like “jealousy means love” or the idea that violence only happens if someone hits you. But abuse often starts in more subtle ways, like trying to control what someone does, who they talk to, or how they dress. These behaviours may seem small at first, but they can grow over time and have serious effects, especially emotional and mental health consequences (Minto et al., 2022; Kim et al., 2024).

In young relationships, things like wanting to “always be together” might feel romantic at first. But sometimes, they can actually be signs of control or possessiveness (MIGS, 2012). Abuse isn’t just something that happens to older people or in marriages. It can happen to anyone, at any age, in any type of relationship, including dating and situationships.

In fact, research shows that 10–16% of girls aged 18 to 24 in countries like Greece, Cyprus, Malta, Lithuania, and Latvia reported unwanted sexual experiences during a date, including attempted rape (MIGS, 2012). These are not rare cases; they reflect a wider problem that often goes unspoken.

Sadly, many people still believe harmful myths that blame the victim, saying things like “they were asking for it” because of how someone dressed or acted. But the truth is: no one ever asks to be hurt, and blaming the victim only protects the abuser (MIGS, 2012).

Green flags are the healthy opposite of red flags, they tell us when a relationship is respectful, safe, and based on equality. Some Green flags are stated below:

Refer to the Duluth Model: Equality Wheel by Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (n.d.). It shows the positive behaviours and values that are present in respectful, non-violent relationships.